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You are the beautiful scenery in my life

发布时间：2013-05-28 13:01:00 作者：王思捷  发布者：xbbh 浏览次数：3697  类别：英文作文   优秀指数：★★

It was in the afternoon that I met her. She was sitting there quietly with a hat on her head and wearing a white shirt and black trousers, making her very formal and special among other students. I chose her as my partner. After finishing the activity, she told me all the facts.

 Her name is Yuan Ningning, a student in business class who comes from Junan County in Linyi. Deeply influenced by the book “the freshmen”, she carefully made a plan for herself. She is independence and prefer to communicate with sophomores rather than her roommates. Yuan has presented in “the Hope of Star” English speech competition and passed the selection in Foreign Language School of Linyi University.

  What she did is as similar as what I did in the first year in university. At that time I was full of great ambitious, showing off myself in many activities. In this way, I acquainted some sophomore girls and chatted with them on the Internet. The unique thought was accepted and my view was widely opened. That was one of the most pleasure experience in my life.

  Faced with the girl who has white skin and shake her arm because of excitement, I almost hardly controlled myself. I was eager to take a walk with her along the road behind business school to enjoy the beautiful sun set. I hope to hand in hand with her, losing ourselves in breeze in campus at night. I would like to accompany her to stand in the sunshine shining in the hallway in the late afternoon, letting the thought freely fly in the academic atmosphere.

  However, the fact is that we must work hard to achieve our goals. Neither of us can stop here and lose our hearts to each other. After today, we will both be back to the busy but not vacancy lives just like two lines across in the point and go far away in their own ways. I can never think that my loneness can be such a beautiful scenery today.

• 批改教师：陈伟 ( 山东省 >> 烟台市 >> 烟台工贸技师学院 )
  批改时间：2013/5/28 22:58:35
  点评指数：★★
  点评内容：
  

  It was in the afternoon that I met her. She was sitting there quietly with a hat on her head and wearing a white shirt and black trousers, ^{which made①} making her very formal and special among other students. I chose her as my partner. After finishing the activity ^ended②, she told me all the facts.

   Her name is Yuan Ningning, a student in business class who comes from Junan County in Linyi. Deeply influenced by the book “the freshmen”, she carefully made a plan for herself. She is independence (independent) and prefer^s to communicate with sophomores rather than ^{chat with③} her roommates. Yuan has presented in “the Hope of Star” English speech competition and passed ^{got through} the selection in Foreign Language School of Linyi University.

    What she did is as similar as ^towhat I did in the first year in university. At that time I was full of great ambitious (ambition), showing off myself in many activities. In this way, I acquainted some sophomore girls and chatted with them on the Internet. The unique thought was accepted and my view was widely opened. That was one of the most pleasure experience^s④ in my life.

    Faced with the girl who has white skin and shake her arm because of excitement, I almost hardly controlled myself. I was eager to take a walk with her along the road behind business school to enjoy the beautiful sun set. I hope to ^{stroll down the road⑤} hand in hand with her, losing ourselves in breeze in ^{on ⑥}campus at night. I would like to accompany her to stand in the sunshine shining in the hallway in the late afternoon, letting the thought freely fly in the academic atmosphere.

    However, the fact is that we must work hard to achieve our goals. Neither of us can stop here and lose our hearts to each other. After today, we will both be back to the busy but not vacancy (vacant) lives just like two lines across in ^at the point and go far away in their own ways. I can never think that my loneness can be such a beautiful scenery today.                  点评：1. 此处分词短语若作结果状语的话，是一垂悬分词，因为前后逻辑主语不一致。若看成是分词短语作定语的话，可以看成是修饰前面 white shirt and black trousers，但我认为造成她与众不同的应该是前面所有内容，因此可以改成非限制性定语从句，先行词为前面整个句子。                                                                                                                                                               2. 此处为一垂悬结构，因为前后逻辑主语不一致，需要把前面主语加上，暂且改成个时间状语从句吧。                                                                                                                                                      3. rather than为一并列连词，因此前后连接东西要一致，前面是communicate with sophomores ，因此后面也得为动词短语。所以此固定结构为：prefer to do rather than do. 而不是rather than sth.                                                                                                                                        4. 此处experience 为“经历”，可数。                                                                                                       5. hope 后面的to do 不定式，缺少do，这里hand in hand 介词短语做状语。                                6. 在校园 on campus                                                                                                                                 （整篇文章结构合理，语言优美，各种句式交错合理使用，是一篇很不错的文章。）