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A convercation about a bag

发布时间：2013-10-26 16:51:38 作者：颜廷毅  发布者：qfyty 浏览次数：3621  类别：英文作文   优秀指数：★

   下午放学了，吉姆，麦克和玛丽在走廊里发现了一个书包，里面有一个足球，一张光盘，一件黄色体恤衫和一个发带。根据这些东西，关于书包的主人他们三人进行了猜测。请根据提示写一篇80词左右的文章。

When Jim, Mike, and Mary leave the classroom this afternoon, they found a schoolbag in the hallway. They opened the schoolbag and then they found a football, a CD card, a yellow T-shirt and a hair band. Jim said: “There is a hairband, so the bag’s owner cant be a boy.” “I don’t agree. he might be buying for his mother.” Mike said, “Oh, the classical music CD! So the people could be John. He loves classical music very much.” “Yeah , and he is in the school football team, too.” Mary said, “Let’s go and find him, he must be in the play ground now.”

• 批改教师：陈伟 ( 山东省 >> 烟台市 >> 烟台工贸技师学院 )
  批改时间：2013/10/30 21:10:58
  点评指数：★
  点评内容：
  

     下午放学了，吉姆，麦克和玛丽在走廊里发现了一个书包，里面有一个足球，一张光盘，一件黄色体恤衫和一个发带。根据这些东西，关于书包的主人他们三人进行了猜测。请根据提示写一篇80词左右的文章。

  When Jim, Mike, and Mary leave ^left the classroom this afternoon, they found a schoolbag in the hallway. They opened the schoolbag and then they found a football, a CD card, a yellow T-shirt and a hair band. Jim said: “There is a hairband, so the bag’s owner can't be a boy.” “I don’t agree. he might be buying ^{have bought} for his mother.” Mike said, “Oh, the classical music CD! So the people could ^{that must} be John. He loves classical music very much.” “Yeah , and he is in the school football team, too.” Mary said, “Let’s go and find him, he must be in the play ground now.”

   

  点评：颜廷毅同学的语言组织比较合理，基本没有语法错误，这不错，需要继续努力。在以后的日子里，希望你能够在语言的流畅度，以及一些小的知识点的正确使用方面再下点功夫。像本文中，删除一些重复的主语，以及用相关代词代替掉一些名词，会让句子显得更加简洁流利；另外，还要注意情态动词的正确合理使用，像表示对过去事实的推测应该用：情态动词+have done