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初一小作文（二次作文）

发布时间：2013-11-16 21:35:19 作者：钟如雪  发布者：zhongruxue 浏览次数：2673  类别：英文作文   优秀指数：★★★

原文：

Hello!My name is Zhong Ruxue.l'm Chinese.My last name is Zhong.My first name is Ruxue.I don't have an English name.My phone number is 15254916360.l like green.l have a good friend.She's very beautiful. She is Xiang Mengyao.Xiang is her last name and Mengyao is her last name. She doesn't have an English name. She like Purple. We are in the same school,but is not a classmate. I was 8, she was 10.

修改后：Hello!My name is Zhong Ruxue.l'm Chinese.My last name is Zhong.My first name is Ruxue.I don't have an English name.My phone number is 15254916360.l like green.l have a good friend.She's very beautiful. She is Xiang Mengyao.Xiang is her last name and Mengyao is her first name. She doesn't have an English name. She like Purple. We are in the same school,but not classmate. I am 8, she is 10.

• 批改教师：徐慧 ( 山东省 >> 临沂市 >> 罗庄区 >> 临沂第二十中学 )
  批改时间：2014/5/11 15:34:59
  点评指数：★★★
  点评内容：
  

  原文：

  Hello!My name is Zhong Ruxue.l'm Chinese.My last name is Zhong.My first name is Ruxue.I don't have an English name.My phone number is 15254916360.l like green.l have a good friend.She's very beautiful. She is Xiang Mengyao.Xiang is her last name and Mengyao is her last name. She doesn't have an English name. She like Purple. We are in the same school,but is not a classmate. I was 8, she was 10.

  修改后：Hello!My name is Zhong Ruxue.l'm Chinese.My last name is Zhong.My first name is Ruxue.I don't have an English name.My phone number is 15254916360.l like green.l have a good friend.She's very beautiful. She is Xiang Mengyao.Xiang is her last name and Mengyao is her first name. She doesn't have an English name. She like Purple. We are in the same school,but not classmate. I am 8, she is 10.

  点评:钟如雪同学对学习的这种态度值得同学们学习！