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differnt cultrue
发布时间:2014-12-30 18:17:31 作者:高微微  发布者:140901340114 浏览次数:1994  类别:英文作文   优秀指数:★★
[大学一年级] 黑龙江省 >> 大庆市 >> 龙凤区 >> (开发区)黎明街道


As we know . different country have different cultrue .so these cultrue how to understand each other .Apparently. cultrue Festival is a best medium ,which  is a way of different country of people to know about each other.In abroad Chinese cities are known to  many Foreigns by holding cultrue Festival.In cultrue Festival ,wonderful folk-music-dance and delicious food is the most attractive of part ,it is real that this is a useful way to let Chinese and other people of the world get to know each other .Not only dose this communication limit to cultrue ,but also expand to economy and other fields.Therefore,cultrue Festival is very important to people of all over the   world  .Finally ,I think that it is necessary to make different cultrue be together ,if so ,the earth will be a big family  peacefully .                                                                             

教师点评:
  • 批改教师:孟依繁 ( 黑龙江省 >> 哈尔滨市 >> 哈尔滨创新学校 )
    批改时间:2014/12/30 19:46:31
    点评指数:★★
    点评内容:

            As we know . different country (countries) have different cultrue .so these cultrue how to understand each other .(so how these countries understand each other)Apparently. cultrue Festival is a (the)best medium ,which  is a way of different country of people (people of different countries)to know about each other.In abroad Chinese cities are known to  many Foreigns(As is to known to many foreigns in abroad Chinese cities,it attributes the success to holding cultrue Festival)by holding cultrue Festival.In c(C)ultrue Festival ,wonderful folk-music-dance and delicious food is the most attractive of part ,it is real that this is a useful way to let Chinese and other people of the world get to know each other .Not only dose this communication limit to cultrue ,but also expand to economy and other fields.Therefore,cultrue Festival is very important to people of all over the   world  .Finally ,I think that it is necessary to make different cultrue be together ,if so ,the earth will be a big family  peacefully .


    点评:

          整体行文工整流畅,能让阅卷老师了解考生所欲表达的大意,其中又穿插了一些小短语、定语从句以及倒装等小亮点,为整体行文加分,算得上优秀的文章。但是也存在一些拼写及语法的失误,比如一些句子结构不清,不符合英文习惯用法,比如 in abroad 一句有些混乱,以状语开头但后面没有主谓宾仅衔接了一个方式状语使人不知所云。这是一定要避免的错误,以后可以多注意一下语法结构。再有可以使用一些更为高级的词汇短语以丰富文章质量,比如important已经老生常谈了,可以用significant等高级词语替代以达升华之效。另有一小疑问expand to 似指贡献之意,但此词组是扩展之意,不如试试contribute to 更以词达意。总体不错,再接再厉。

  • 批改教师:王思捷 ( 作文批改网 )
    批改时间:2014/12/30 23:13:38
    点评指数:
    点评内容:

    As we know . different country have different cultrue .so these cultrue how to understand each other (I don't understand your meaning).Apparently. cultrue (cultrial) Festival is a best medium ,which  is a way of different country of people (people from different countries) to know about each other.In abroad Chinese cities are known to  many Foreigns (Foreigners know many Chinese cities) by holding cultrue Festival.In cultrue Festival ,wonderful folk-music-dance and delicious food is the most attractive of part ,it is real (true) that this is a useful way to let Chinese and other people of the world get to know (communicate with) each other .Not only dose this communication limit to cultrue (doesn't only limit the transmition of the cultrue),but also expand to economy and other fields.Therefore,cultrue Festival is very important to (for) people of all over the world.Finally ,I think that it is necessary to make different cultrue be together ,if so ,the earth will be a big family peacefully.

  • 批改教师:朱武凌 ( 北京市 >> 朝阳区 >> 双井街道 )
    批改时间:2015/1/11 15:37:05
    点评指数:
    点评内容:

    As we know . different country(countries) have different cultrue(cultures) .so these cultrue how to understand each othe(?) .Apparently. cultrue(cultural) Festival is a(the) best medium ,which  is a way of different country of people(people from different countries) to know about each other.In abroad Chinese cities are known to  many Foreigns(foreigners) by holding cultrue Festival.In cultrue Festival ,wonderful folk-music-dance and delicious food is the most attractive of part ,it is real(true) that this is a useful way to let Chinese and other people of the world get to know each other .Not only dose(does) this communication limit to cultrue ,but also expand to economy and other fields.Therefore,cultrue Festival is very important to people of all over the   world  .FinallyAccording to the above) ,I think that it is necessary to make(此处用make不合适,make有强迫的意思,改为let会更合适) different cultrue(s) be together ,if so ,the earth will be a big family peacefully . (the Earth will become a big and peaceful family,修改前“地球会安宁地成为一个大家庭”有些不通顺)


    得分情况:满分20分(语言8分  内容8分 组织结构4分)

    语言 -6(每错-0.5分,不重复扣分) 得2分

    内容 -4 (因题目为“different cultures”,则应介绍产生原因、具体表现、对待方式等,而这篇文章却在介绍Cultural Festival)得4分

    组织结构 -3 得1分 (因语法错误过多,只能酌情给1分组织结构分)

    总分:7分

    评语:尽量不要为了单词的高大上、句式的华丽而去使用不熟悉的单词、句型,因该文语法错误过多导致了无法拿到组织结构分,因而文章分数被拉低。



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