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批改教师:冯琼英 ( 山东省 >> 临沂市 >> 罗庄区 >> 黄山镇 >> 黄山镇英语备课组 )
批改时间:2012/12/13 10:11:01
点评指数:★★★
点评内容:
With the society going,there is(are)more and more opportunities,but (however),there is (are) more and more challenges.So there is a question that why do we work.
There is no denying that we can earn money from (by)working.We need to life(live),so we work.
Another reason is dream.For example,he wants to become an engineer from childhood,so when he grows up,he will select engineer as his job.Because he wants to achieve his dream.This is one of the reasons that why do we work.As a college student,when we graguate from college school,we should go to the society by working.After four years studying,what we study (have learned)and what we can do?These questions should be soluted in working.We can get money from working.It is important for a college student that he earns (to earn)the first gold by their effort.Other reasons,if everyone has a job,our society will be better and our country will develop faster.
In conclusion, we should work. Only in this way, We(we) can life (live)better.
Work hard for better life!
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批改教师:王爱云 ( 山东省 >> 临沂市 >> 罗庄区 >> 黄山镇 >> 黄山镇语文备课组 >> 三年级 )
批改时间:2012/12/15 12:38:31
点评指数:★
点评内容:
With the society going,there is (are)more and more opportunities,but (howere)there is more and more challenges.So there is a question that why do we work.
There is no denying that we can earn money from (by)working.We need to life (living),so we work.
Another reason is dream.For example,he wants to become an engineer from childhood,so when he grows up,he will select engineer as his job.Because he wants to achieve his dream.This is one of the reasons that why do we work.As a college student,when we graguate from college school,we should go to the society by working.After four years studying,what we studyand what we can do?These questions should be soluted in working.We can get money from working.It is important fora college student that he earns the first gold by their effort.Other reasons,if everyone has job,our society will be better and our country will develop faster.
In conclusion,we should work.Only in this way,We can life better.
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批改教师:杜宝红 ( 山东省 >> 泰安市 >> 岱岳区 >> 泰山菁华双语学校 )
批改时间:2012/12/15 15:31:37
点评指数:
点评内容:
With the society going,there is more and more opportunities,but there is more and more challenges.So there is a question that why do we work.With the development of society,we will face more and more opportunities and challenges,so I want to talk about why we should work.
There is no denying that we can earn money from working.We need to life,so we work.we must work hard,because the job can bring in money and make our life better.
Another reason One of the reasons is dream.For example,he wants to become an engineer from childhood,so when he grows up,he will select engineer as his job.Because he wants to achieve his dream.This is one of the reasons that why do we work. Another reason is that As as a college student,when we graguate from college school,we should go to the society by working.After four years studying,what we studyand what we can do?These questions should be soluted in working.We can get money from working.It is important for a college student that he earns the first gold by their effort. we should work hard to learn more knowledge,when we graduated ,we could find a good job and strive to earn more money. Other reasons,At last, I think if everyone has a job,our society will be better and our country wil develop faster.
In conclusion,we should work.Only in this way,We can life live better.
写文章时应理顺好思路再下笔,加油!
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批改教师:王思捷 ( 作文批改网 )
批改时间:2013/1/9 17:55:01
点评指数:
点评内容:
With the society going,there is (后面的名词是复数形式,用are)more and more opportunities,but there is (错误同上)more and more challenges.So there is a question that why do we work.
There is no denying that we can earn money from working.We need to life,(live,活着,动词)so we work.
Another reason is dreams(根据文章意思,dream用复数,is改为are).For example,he wants to become an engineer from (since,自从)childhood,so when he grows up,he will select engineer as his job.Because he wants to achieve his dream.This is one of the reasons that why do we work.(从句格式用陈述句势,we work)As a college student,when we graguate from college school,we should go to the society by working.After four years studying,what we study (have studied,用现在完成时态)and what we can do?These questions should be soluted (solute是“溶解”的意思,用solved)in working.We can get money from working.It is important for a college student that he earns the first gold by their (人称代词不统一,用his)effort.Other reasons (单数形式,reason),if everyone has job,our society will be better and our country will develop faster.
In conclusion,we should work.Only in this way,We can life (can为情态动词,用动词原形live)better.
说理单薄,漏洞百出。