交文友,学写作,就到作文批改网! | 收藏本站专版专栏 |RSS订阅     欢迎,朋友 | 免费注册会员登录
 
设为首页
收藏本站
会员中心
批改符号说明:

绿底为优美黄底为瑕疵红底为错字(括号里边为间批)中间横线为删除上标符号添加字文下隔行写点评,点评内容用红字,红双线‖”处段另起(分段).

 

It depends on us
发布时间:2012-12-18 12:16:18 作者:majian  发布者:majian 浏览次数:2969  类别:英文作文   优秀指数:★★
[大学五年级] 北京市 >> 海淀区 >> 中关村街道


With a boom of today's science and technology, more and more techno-gadgets filled with our lives. Now we can not work efficiently without digital products and furthermore most of us are accustomed to bringing their own gadgets in the leisure time. Obviously techno-gadgets have become an indispensable part in our life.

From our life experience, the digital products are changing not only from large to small, and are increasingly concentrated in powerful. Now we can access the internet and connect to the whole world as long as there is a wireless connection. Moreover, instead of bringing the books here and there, we can read them via the eBooks wherever we tend to study. In summary techno-gadgets make our life more colorful and convenience.

Everything has two sides and digital products are not exception. Techno-gadgets have not only brought us convenience, but brought us more and more lazy quietly and many people play phones when they are in a meeting or in class. Worse still, the gadgets are harmful to our health since most of us spend at least 8 hours of time against the high-definition screen on a phone or computer.

Although techno-gadgets may cause some negative effects in our life, human beings can take some action to reduce the negative impacts. We can dominate the time of using digital equipments and make efforts to less the health damage through the developments of science and technology. So whether the techno-gadgets are good or not, it eventually depends on human beings.

教师点评:
  • 批改教师:王思捷 ( 作文批改网 )
    批改时间:2013/1/9 17:25:36
    点评指数:★★
    点评内容:

    With a boom of today's science and technology, more and more techno-gadgets are filled(固定句式within)our lives. Now we can not work efficiently without digital products and furthermore most of us are accustomed to bringing their own gadgets in the leisure time. Obviously techno-gadgets have become an indispensable part in our life.

    From our life experience, the digital products are changing not only from large to small, and arebut also,不仅......而且......)increasingly concentrated in powerful. Now we can access the internet and connect to the whole world as long as there is a wireless connection. Moreover, instead of bringing the books here and there, we can read them via the eBooks wherever we tend to study. In summary techno-gadgets make our life more colorful and convenience.

    Everything has two sides and digital products are not exception.(exceptedTechno-gadgets have not only brought us convenience, but brought us more and more lazy quietly句式不当,用Although...,“虽然......,但是......”)and many people play phones when they are in a meeting or in class. Worse still, the gadgets are harmful to our health since most of us spend at least 8 hours of time against the high-definition screen on a phone or computer.(话语没什么语法错误,但手机伤害我们的是辐射而不是屏幕

    Although techno-gadgets may cause some negative effects in our life, human beings can take some actions to reduce the negative impacts. We can dominate the time of using digital equipments and make efforts to less the health damage through the developments of science and technology. So whether the techno-gadgets are good or not, it eventually depends on human beings.

        整体很好,逻辑清晰,条理准确。

李之怡 共164篇 推荐7 优秀5
姜恩泽 共108篇 推荐22 优秀10
刘鼎轩 共98篇 推荐36 优秀24
马维霞 共80篇 推荐0 优秀1
陈永娟 共64篇 推荐15 优秀9
江秋 共63篇 推荐2 优秀2
陈乐乐 共60篇 推荐3 优秀0
胡豆儿 共59篇 推荐9 优秀7
房云玲 共57篇 推荐47 优秀5
董千里 共55篇 推荐30 优秀22
友情链接:百度   新华网   人民网   中国政府网   凤凰网   央视网  卫星地图  大师邦
关于本站 | 合作加盟 | 积分计划 | 联系我们 | 投稿须知 | 版权声明 | 问题解答
作文批改网 www.duzhenfang.com 地址:山东省临沂市罗庄区 电话:13864984078.
备案编号:鲁ICP备12014725号-1,设计制作:作文批改网
214.844毫秒